Tragedy

Donald Trump was visiting a primary school in Orlando and visited a 4th grade class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked Mr.Trump if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.'

So our illustrious POTUS asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Trump, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained Trump. "That's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Trump searched the room.

"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.

In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Trump, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!"

The teacher left the room..

Flat Tires and Headlights

A guy comes into a coffee shop and places his order: "I want 3 flat tires & a pair of headlights"

The waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, goes to the kitchen & asks the cook, "This guy out there just ordered 3 flat tires & a pair of headlights.

What does he think, this is an auto parts store?!"

"No," the cook says, "3 flat tires means 3 pancakes & a pair of headlights is 2 eggs sunny side up."

"Oh," says the waitress. She thinks about this and then she spoons up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer.

The guy says "What are the beans for?"

The waitress replies "I thought that, while you're waiting for the flat tires & headlights, you might want to gas up."

The Florist and the Anniversary Card

On their second anniversary, a husband sent flowers to his wife at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2!" on the card.

She was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased about the card: "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."

Pet Fish

An man was stopped by a game warden recently with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim' round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of bunk! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the man.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

Little Johnny Math Question

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.


She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"


Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

The Diet

A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.

The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.

Everyone commiserated until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"

Church Services

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
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One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."