Thought for the Day!

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills
In your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..

So folks, always remember to wash your hands after handling money!

That's my public service announcement for the day!

Market Advice

Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or selling of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn you since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON.

Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, Northern Tissue Company.

Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean.

It's a tough market out there. Be careful!

Follow the Money

A little old lady is walking down the street in Green Bay WI., dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.

There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $50 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $50 bills falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady, "I'd better go backand see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard butts up to the parking lot of Lambeau Field. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $50 oroff it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "Some guys think I'm bluffing."