Proverbs

A first grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are 6-year-olds because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses ... Until they stop running.
2. Strike while the ... Bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before ... Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of ... Termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but ... How?
6. Don't bite the hand that ... Looks dirty.
7. No news is ... Impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a ... Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new ... Math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ... Stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust ... Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the ... Pigs.
13. An idle mind is ... The best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's ... Pollution.
15. Happy the bride who ... Gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ... Not much.
17. Two's company, three's ... The Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ... Uou put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ... You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as ... Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not ... Spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed ... Get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you ... See in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind ... Get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand is ... Going to poop on you.
    
    And the WINNER and last one!
    
    
26. Better late than ... Pregnant.

The Turkey

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.?

He stopped and asked the boy,

'Where did you get that turkey?'?

The boy replied, 'What turkey?'?

The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'?

The boy looks down and said, 'We ll, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'?

The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.?

If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'?

The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'

• May your stuffing be tasty
• May your turkey plump,
• May your potatoes and gravy have never a lump.
• May your yams be delicious
• And your pies take the prize,
• And may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING ...

The Elevator

Redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, 2 silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'Paw, what's that?'

The father (having never seen an elevator before) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life. I ain't got no idear what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son: "Boy, go git cha Momma!"

Checkin' in on Ya

I was feeling a little nosey, so I thought I would look in on you and see if you are sitting at your computer ... Yup, there you are!

Have a good day?

New Office Terminology

• 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him; He's 404, man."
• ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
• BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
• CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
• CHIPS & SALSA: Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem is in your chips or your salsa."
• CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
• FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
• IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generator running.
• MOUSE POTATO: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
• OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
• PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
• PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
• TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs.
• YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after lunch. "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."

Soiled Sheets

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked,"What the heck is going on?"

The drunk, still staring down, replied:"I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."

Costume Party

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice looking woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.

Just before the unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.

He said: 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.'-

'Did you dance much ?' she asked.

'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete , Bill Brown and some other guys and we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to ...'