New Stock Market Terms

CEO	Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO	Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET	A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET	A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING	The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO	The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER	What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR	Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST	Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT	When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER	A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION	The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW	The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO	What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS	What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR	Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT	An archaic word no longer in use.